High heels and why they should be destroyed

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Do these women feel as good as they look?

Yes, I am female, and yes, I believe in maintaining a stylish appearance but may I just say, I am of the firm belief that high heels are the devil incarnate and that they lead to nothing but catastrophe.
I don't care how beautiful they are, I don't care if they make my outfit "pop" and I certainly don't care for their price - to me, high heels are Public Enemy No. 1.
My own experiences with these weapons of mass destruction are, thankfully, limited. Being 5'10" does have its perks after all (thanks, Dad.) I own exactly two pairs of heeled shoes, one a pair of wedges and the other a dainty pair of kitten heels. Laugh all you want, you short-ass peasants, but we'll see who's LOLing and ROFLing at the end of the night when all of you are teetering to and fro at a dangerous height and toppling over one another like a crowd from Weight Watchers that have just gotten a whiff of a Big Mac meal.
Friends of mine have learned the hard way that if I go out clad in a pair of shoes that add at least 3 inches to my natural height, all they will hear from me from about 10.30pm onwards are profanities centering around how my feet are "DEAD" and "ohmygod I need to sit down and rest my feet, they're actually KILLING ME."
For the last year, I have worn Vans on nights out, and even then my feet are deceased by the time we're all shuffling out of the club and into the chipper. The only times I've ever sprained my ankle on a night out have been in Vans - so you can just imagine the result if I were staggering around the place in a pair of stilts, I mean, high heels. Sure don't the young ones end up in A&E from wearing them desperate yokes??? (that's my granny-quote done for the day)
Of course, the elves plodding around the place barefoot with their pointy-sided weapons in their tan-encrusted hands always lifts one's spirits, and I congratulate myself on having a bit more cop-on than all of those misfortunes. But hey, at least they looked way prettier than I did :P

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